Fantastic News Of A Sport Previously Unknown To Me But I Fear I Spot Signs Of Disunity

Were you aware that the barbeque is a sport? No, neither did I but now I do! There is a magazine and website called the National barbeque News which boasts it is “the world’s No1 publication dedicated to the sport of barbeque and it is marking its twentieth anniversary this year.

Among this feast of enthralment, we are informed about Mike Mills and John Willingham who were initiated into the barbeque Hall Of Fame. Now I would honestly take issue with the use of the word ‘Fame’ in this context but we are talking about Americans so let’s say no more.

I’m rapt by this as a sport. And it is one because there are rules and a UK version exists, based on the Kansas City barbeque Society rules no less. Exactly why Kansas City has been selected as the standard isn’t clear, whether it is the byword for supremacy in all things to do with the charcoal barbeque or they just pulled a mentor out of a hat is lost in the mists of time.

One thing is absolute. This is no place for a gas barbeque. This is explicitly laid out in the Equipment section of the Rules, the same goes for electric, but electricity and propane gas may be used as fire starters, and you can have electric spits. But as a heat source, no.

So we can be clear that here is a place for the dedicated enthusiast who likes a charcoal barbeque and company because it happens that this is a team sport with no maximum number of players per team as long as there is a declared head chef. I assume one of the players will be a charcoal barbeque specialist, tasked with getting it going, maintaining it for the duration and the safe disposal afterwards. Another rule demands that a fire extinguisher must be near to hand.

The rules pertaining to the meat are specific. There are only 4 categories, Chicken, Ribs, Pork and Beef Brisket. No burgers or sausages here. The meat must be stored correctly, unseasoned, no marinating or injecting before the start and kept at a minimum temperature prior to being judged and can only be garnished with parsley or lettuce.

Now, I haven’t found it for I haven’t looked, yet, but I sense a schism. Is there a breakaway society? Have the gas barbeque enthusiasts set up their own club, founded on an emotion of moral outrage due the cruel expulsion of their favoured grill type? You can see how it would begin, the gun fires or however they start a match and while with gas barbeque gangs are striking matches like madmen, arranging paper, firelighters and putting a flame to the combustibles, Johnny gas barbeque is pushing the ignition button and getting on with the marinades and sauces. “Foul” cries charcoal barbeque man and a row begins which sees the gas barbeque people flounce off.

Rugby went the same way when some players went professional and the hurt has never really been healed, darts has 2 rivals governing bodies, boxing has more than the alphabet strictly allows and snooker may go down the path of splits and spats.

Can peace be found, will members come together in fraternity and shared passion or will they let off the fire extinguishers at each other on sight, fight with tongs and steak flippers? Where are the Mandela’s of the grills to replace trust and repair damaged feelings? We must wish them God speed in their endeavours.

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